


Blackthorn Blue

by nerdyminded



Category: Dark Artifices Series - Cassandra Clare, Mortal Instruments Series - Cassandra Clare, Shadowhunter Chronicles - Cassandra Clare
Genre: Blackthorn Blue, F/M, nerdyminded
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-06-02
Updated: 2016-06-02
Packaged: 2018-07-11 17:13:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,205
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7062010
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nerdyminded/pseuds/nerdyminded
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The untold stories of Emma Carstairs and Julian Blackthorn, post-COHF, pre-Lady Midnight. Emma and Jules have always been there for each other. As parabatai, they're closer than best friends, closer than siblings. Neither of them would trade their bond for all of Idris--but sometimes, they're left to wonder just how deep their bond truly runs, just how deep it should run. Everyone knows that parabatai are forbidden from falling in love with each other--but if that's the case, how can they explain the way they feel? Is it familial love, platonic love, the kind of love that drives them to protect each other at all costs, or something deeper, something more, something dangerous?</p>
<p>Follow Emma and Julian's earlier years together, starting shortly after their arrival at the Los Angeles Institute.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Blackthorn Blue

**Author's Note:**

> Hey, guys! So, I've never posted a fanfic on here, and I haven't written any in a while. I hope you enjoy this! I love Julian Blackthorn to death, and Emma is such a beautiful character that I wanted to explore their relationship further, but the earlier years, the things we don't see. Yes, there will be many small Blackstairs moments. (I might write about actual Blackstairs moments in the future, like during The Dark Artifices' timeline, but I'm not sure yet). Please follow and leave reviews! I'm sometimes busy with school, but if you guys like it enough, I'll try to update regularly. Thanks!
> 
> Disclaimer: I don't own any of these characters or their worlds. I wish I did. All of those things belong to the lovely Cassandra Clare.

"You don't have to do this." Even Jules' voice, soft and gentle, couldn't appease her anxiety. The sound of waves beating against the Los Angeles shoreline almost drowned out his voice. Almost. But she could still hear him, if she listened close enough--and for Jules, Emma always listened close enough.

"I'm fine," she said, biting down on her bottom lip in an effort to conceal the quaver in her voice. "It's just water."

"Emma." A plea. She huffed out a sigh, turning to face him--a mistake, she realized once their eyes met. Blackthorn blue. She'd always loved the Blackthorns' unique eye color; now, at the Los Angeles Institute, she found it even more enchanting each day. Sometimes it was easy to forget that Jules hadn't lived there his entire life. With eyes nearly identical to the ocean, skin a few shades darker than hers, and dark, wavy hair that seldom tangled despite the constant brine and salt it endured, he seemed built for the sea.

Arm outstretched towards her, he wiggled his fingers, motioning for her to take his hand. "Come on." But again, she shook her head, taking another step further into the ocean, wading up to her ankles. A baby step, but a step nonetheless. She closed her eyes, concentrating on the scrape of seashell shards against her bare feet, squished some sand between her toes, and took another small step forward. She thought of the twin Fearless runes she'd traced onto her skin--two of them, just for good measure. Even still, she felt her heart hammering against her chest, threatening to burst from her chest like a dove. She tucked her fear into the back of her mind, tapped her wrists to soothe her nerves, and breathed in through her nose, the salty air sending jolts of panic through her body. She froze, bit her lip again, hard this time, and tasted the zing of her own blood.

She felt a something soft and warm against her palm and opened her eyes to see Jules, standing beside her, their fingers entwined. She sucked in a breath. Her heart thrummed higher in her chest, trading its chaotic, panicked flapping for a softer flutter, like a hummingbird, floating higher. This, she thought, was new. She'd never felt this way--not with Jules, not with anyone. Like nothing else mattered. Like nothing else ever would. For a fleeting moment, she felt at ease, forgetting about the water and the nightmares it was sure to bring. Only Jules could make her forget. Only Jules could steal her mind at any given moment and shape it into something new, transport it someplace better, someplace away from fear.

"Together," Jules said, and she nodded, half-grateful that he wasn't making her go at it alone, half-annoyed for the same reason. The two had only been living at the Los Angeles Institute for a few months, and yet already it felt like home, except for the water. Every day Emma tried to overcome her fear of the ocean, and every day she failed. "At least you're determined," Jules had said when she'd complained about never being able to be a 'real Shadowhunter.' "Most people would've given up by now."

Now, she risked a glance in his direction. He caught her gaze and offered her a reassuring smile, squeezing her hand. She tried to return the gesture, but the water rendered her weak. Fingers trembling, she forced her breath to even out before she dared speak again.

"Jules," she said, "I don't think I can do this today."

"That's alright." He placed his other hand on the small of her back. "Look behind us. This is the furthest you've made it."

Emma turned to face the Institute. He was right. Though they stood only a few feet from the shore, it was notable progress from where she'd started off, toes barely reaching the foam at the end of the shoreline, fearful that one step further would drag her out to the darkest depths of the ocean.

"Progress," she said, her voice breaking over the word.

"Progress," he echoed. "Now, come on. Let's go inside; I'll order us some pizza, and we can watch old movies with Ty and Livvy. Does that sound alright with you?" Emma nodded, and the two started walking to the sand, stopping only at the water's edge. She paused, looking at their hands again. It wasn't unusual for them, holding hands--after all, they were _parabatai_. Even still, she couldn't help but think that something about the way he'd taken her hand like that, in the water, had felt different, new. But surely she was imagining it. She and Jules helped each other--it was what they did. They knew each other in a way no one else did, in a way no one else ever would. It was the same reason she and Jules sneaked into each other's beds at night, when the other was plagued by nightmares, the same reason they seldom needed words to communicate in a crowded room. Together, they were more. Of course Jules' hand in hers would offer her sanctuary, even in the face of her darkest phobia. Where one of them weakened, the other picked up the additional weight. That's how it had always been, and, Emma hoped, always would be.

Jules noticed her staring and slipped his hand away from hers with what looked almost like--reluctance? regret?--and cracked a smile again, the kind of smile that crinkled his eyes, rippled their Blackthorn blue like the ocean itself, like the tide drinking itself in.

"Are you alright?" he asked, and she nodded, wiping her palms, damp with sweat and seawater, on her bare thighs.

"I'm fine," she said. "It's just..." her voice trailed off. How could she explain what she'd felt, in the water? Had he felt it too? She searched for a sign of it in his expression, but if he'd noticed, he wasn't showing anything. "The water," she sighed. "You know how I am with the water."

He studied her again, and while he didn't seem convinced, he didn't pressure her any further. "Okay," he said. Then: "We should probably get inside. The kids must be starving by now."

And with that, they headed back in the direction of the Institute. Emma forced herself to leave the memory, the feeling from their hands in the water, behind them, to bury it in their footprints. They held hands all the time, so why had it felt different? Surely she was overthinking it; her fear must have heightened all her senses. It was the adrenaline talking, she knew. She paused outside of the door, Jules stopping too to turn to her.

"Are you coming?" he asked. 

"In a minute," Emma said. "Go ahead. I'll catch up." 

He nodded, then disappeared inside of the Institute, leaving Emma to watch in his wake, repeating to herself that it had only been the fear talking. Even still, the fear had never done that to her; the fear had never made her feel that way, not towards Jules, not towards anyone else. But especially not towards Jules. Something, she knew, had changed between them. She just wasn't sure what.


End file.
